I printed the coupon. I’m going to take it to my local 7-Eleven later. When I hand it to the cashier and say, “I’d like to redeem my squirt coupon,” I will maintain intense, unblinking eye contact just to see if they flinch.

This is a work of satire. No bodily fluids were exchanged in the making of this blog post. Please drink responsibly.

If you're looking for Squirt coupons, here are some ways to find them:

P.S. If you actually Google “squirt coupons” right now, you will get soda discounts on page one and therapy recommendations on page two. You have been warned.